Spending time with the wife and kids… being a husband and father.

Guiding the team, striving to meet the targets… being a boss, teacher, employee, learner.

Lending a ear, a shoulder to rely on, dancing and having fun… being a friend.

“I want to be just myself”, “I want to do things my way”, “I want to be me”….

But who am I really? I am no one… no one person. I play different roles and strive to give my best in each role. I can never be just one person. I am always different. But am I? What is the common thread that defines who I really am? Surely there must be a something that defines me.

I no longer struggle to find myself. I am who I am for the person I am with at that time. The truth is in that moment. Rest is all illusion.

*Disclaimer: I was carrying my DSLR around too at that time

If today was indeed my last day and I would really be dead tomorrow, I would try to secure the future for my family in whatever little time I had. And then I would thank the people who have played any part in my life, and apologize to people who I might have hurt. Now imagine how wonderful life would be if we were indeed living as though today is the last day of our lives. All we need to do is to thank people who make a difference and apologize to people who we might have hurt. Life is so much more beautiful and peaceful with this attitude.

The other piece of news was in today’s newspaper. The headline read Freak Five-Car Accident Kills Four People in Mayapuri. It seems there was a minor accident on the road that was being sorted out when “another speeding truck smashed into the stationary vehicles, including the police van and an auto-rickshaw.” There was hardly any mention about why the truck was speeding, who was driving it, what happened to its driver etc. Now imagine if the same accident had happened and the speeding truck was replaced by a speeding car, probably an expensive one. Do you think this would still be termed as a “freak accident”?

I guess the proverbial “middle-class” don’t matter at much. One has to be almost apologetic for being well-off these days.

But there is an even bigger rip-off and scam that restaurants have started. It is the service charge that the restaurants have started to include in their bills. Have you noticed how the service charge has become a standard line item on most restaurant bills? And it seems to have affected most restaurants irrespective of their size and stature.

What was earlier a tip and optional seems to have become a mandatory item. You can now expect to pay an additional 10% to 15% over and above the already inflated cost of dishes.

The restaurants justify their high prices by saying that they provide a service in an ambience (usual arguments on why the charge much more than MRP on water for example). If the charges for items are high because of the service provided, why should they charge additional service charge on it. I am already paying Rs. 120-150 for a bottle (pint) of beer that has an MRP of Rs. 30. I fail to understand what would justify an additional service charge on this already inflated price?

And to make matters worse, they now add additional service tax on the service charge. In my view, this is the real great restaurant rip-off and a scam that affects us all than just a handful of wine drinkers. I wish someone would file a consumer court case or a PIL against service charge being added by restaurants.

The story is “narrated by Panchaali, the wife of the five Pandava brothers”. The book “finally gives a woman’s take on the timeless tale that is Mahabharat. Tracing Panchaali’s life – from fiery birth and lonely childhood, where her beloved brother is her only true companion; through her complicated friendship with the enigmatic Krishna; to marriage, motherhood and her secret attraction to the mysterious man who is her husbands’ most dangerous enemy – it’s a deeply human story about a woman born into a man’s world.” (quoted from the back cover of the book).

My exposure to Mahabharat has been limited to what I read in Amar Chitra Katha comics in my childhood. Somehow I also seem to have missed the Mahabharat serial that my peers so fondly remember in their memories of Sunday mornings of the years gone by. I do remember a copy of Bhagwad Geeta in my house but don’t ever remember anyone reading it. So this book actually is my first exposure to any serious interpertation of Mahabharat.

As I read through the book, I recognize the stories that form the epic, stories within stories within stories. I now understand why it is an epic and how it can hold one’s attention. One thing struck me as I read about Panchaali’s marriage and her relationship with Kunti, mother of the Pandav brothers and Panchaali’s mother-in-law. It seems the saas-bahu saga has been going on since time immemorial. Even in the era of the Mahabharat, there was friction between the saas and the bahu, the morher’s hold on her sons, the reluctance to let go and the wife’s attempts to create a place for herself, prove herself to the ever demanding mother-in-law. It was funny read about this in this version of Mahabharat. So next time you come across a saas-bahu issue, just remember, it’s something even the greatest of legends faced .

While I shared this with some people, the general reaction was that it was all such a waste and that the money could have been better used. But I am not so sure. The wedding provided an employment opportunity to hundreds of people, directly and indirectly. It gave an opportunity for people to make an honest living. Wouldn’t we prefer that people work and earn a living rather than live off charity? When beggar comes knocking at our car window, isn’t our first reaction that why can’t they just find work? So if a lavish extravagant wedding provides such an opportunity to so many people, how can it be a waste? After all only we the people spend money, will others who are needy get an opportunity to earn a decent living. Isn’t this better than charity?

All this made me wonder that I was sad for Aruna, who lay as a vegetable for 37 years, though perhaps not brain dead, and for whom I felt the courts should grant permission for euthanasia. And yet for someone who is conscious of his suffering for 14 years (the protagonist in the film), who can take a decision for himself to end the suffering I felt differently. Was it the number of years that makes a difference? Is 14 years not a long time to suffer? Or is it the fact that the person is conscious and communicating that makes a difference in my thinking? Is the suffering of the person who is conscious and lives the pain and the frustration not greater than that of the person who feels nothing, or perhaps is not able to express it? And if the conscious person is indeed allowed to take the decision to end their own suffering, what’s to prevent others with seemingly less pain and suffering take the decision to end their lives? After all, pain and suffering is relative and depends on the each individual’s ability to live through it and make the most of the situation they are in.

I guess there are really no black and white answers to this question of euthanasia.

For a minute, let’s hope against hope and assume that she does come out of her vegetative state by some miracle after 37 years. And what will her state of mind be when she recovers? That the person who put her in this state for 37 long years has gotten away with a pittance of a punishment? Would she even want to live that life? Would any court be able to provide her a life of dignity after the miracle that wakes her up?

The people taking care of Aruna for last 37 years are just doing an absolutely commendable job. They are caring for her and the passion they have to keep her alive is fantastic. Even blood relatives may give up on a person in a vegetative state for 37 years. So hats off to all the people taking care of. I just wish we would let her go and not let her continue to suffer her fate of complete helplessness. Even a person missing for more than 7 years is declared dead.