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Mission before Dasvidanya

November 21, 2009

I wrote the initial part of this post in August this year on a plane to Delhi after seeing the movie Dasvidanya. Somehow never got to completing it.

 

Dasvidanya… Well not now but then you never know when…

My grandmother died of cancer. My mother has undergone successful surgery and treatment for cancer (touch wood). My maternal aunt is going through treatment currently. My first cousin died a painful death by cancer. I am quite sure chances of me dying from cancer are very high.

Cancer can lead to very painful death. They don’t show that in the movies. One doesn’t really die healthy of cancer. Last few months are actually very very painful. If you undergo chemo therapy, which you most likely will, you are screwed. You become very weak and pretty much dependent on others for everything. But people do survive cancer. It is not insurmountable, especially breast cancer. Just got to take precautions and get surgery done immediately. There is no cure other than surgery and chemo/radio therapy. (Disclaimer, I am not a doctor. This is not medical advice or opinion, only personal experience.)

So what am I doing with my life? Not much. Will many people come to my funeral? I don’t know but I hope people will mourn me wherever they are. What’s my “Things to do before I die” list? I have been lucky. I have done the regular stuff. .. buy a house, car, travel, friends, love etc. etc. I don’t particularly have any regrets. Do I have enough for my family if I die? Probably enough for them to survive till they get back on their own feet. But I am sure (well, at least I hope) money won’t be enough to fill the chasm but at least there is enough to survive for some time.

So what then is to be done before I die? Sometimes I feel very content and satisfied. No specific goals to achieve anymore. I do try to make a difference in people’s lives, to give more than I receive in ever interaction. But not necessarily charity, I don’t do much of that. Wonder if I am already dead with no really strong desire. It is important to have desires in life, to feel alive, to feel that life is worth living. Okay, I don’t particularly want to die. No suicidal tendencies here, don’t get freaked out please. But for a minute, if I were to imagine my death, would I regret it, would I wonder, “Oh no I still haven’t done that, I need more time”? Probably not. That’s what I mean. I love to be alive and am thankful for being healthy and alive and kicking. But life is incomplete without a mission, something that I can actually die for. Yeah, that’s what I need… a mission in life!!!

This post has ended being a seriously self-reflective post. I really didn’t know how this would go.

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3 Comments leave one →
  1. November 22, 2009 8:26 pm

    my maternal uncle died of cancer but thats the only person till now. Take care and God bless. ((hugs))

  2. November 22, 2009 8:26 pm

    Oh forgot to add I m sure nothing will happen to u!

  3. November 23, 2009 8:06 am

    Thanks Reema. I am sure I’ll be all right 🙂

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